My Splitting Skull

Dear Reader,

“Sometimes you climb out of bed in the morning, and you think, I'm not going to make it, but you laugh inside — remembering all the times you've felt that way.”

― Charles Bukowski

My skull is splitting with so many stories that I don’t have time to write them all down, and now I am frantically putting notes on pages in the hopes of having the time to return to them one day. My days have been filled with writing, and I have not slowed on many of my stories already in the motion of being created, it just that my mind is pouring out with so many new stories, I’m having a hard time building the dam back. I’m trying to slow myself, but this always happens when my life outside of my books become stressful. My mind reacts by falling into the world of fantasy where I can find some form of sanctuary, a way to deal with the emotions beating at my chest.
I once heard Jordan Peterson say, “Get yourself together so you can deal with what life throws at you.” I am scrambling to pull myself together only to find I’m holding an arm full of rusty and unassembled pieces. I’m trying to make all the parts of the puzzle work together, but little is doing so. I think some of the parts are squared when they should be circular and I’m sitting on the floor staring at these pieces trying to find a way to deal with them. As of right now, I am at a loss of how to make it all work. I am by no means giving up, I just not sure how to come to terms with the odd shaped pieces in my life. The argument could be made, “Well, that is just life,” and I wouldn’t disagree with you at all. Life, I believe, is about learning how to come to terms with you and the world around you.
The world around me and let’s be honest here around you as well, is in a little bit of an upheaval. Everyone is losing their minds over the smallest infraction, and everything is doom because of the man in the big white house. I, on the other hand, don’t believe everything is doom or if it is I’m fine with it because my faith is strong. The end of the world has to happen sooner or later. I prefer later like many of us. I still have so many things to do, so many stories to share with you, but the point of this letter is not to be a doomsayer.
The point of this letter is to clue you in on the near future of my life and the simple plans I have. I’m sure you care little, and this letter may actually be a way for me to write down what I am thinking about with my life. There are many things I wish to have in my life; a lovely wife, a family, some land, and a house in the hills where I can write. I dream about selling my books while teaching on the side. It is an easy dream but a hard vision to accomplish, but again, you don’t care about me telling you my dreams.
What is not a dream and is slowly become a hard reality is my moved to Texas. A state I believe I would never end up in and a place I never cared to live, but now, I think it might be a good place for me. In fact, I’m almost sure of it. I need to get away from the roots I have grown here (NC, Charlotte) not because they are toxic but because I need to see what else is out there. I grew up here and lived here all my life, and I need something new, somewhere new, and like any good home I’m always welcome back here. Texas I’ll see you at the end of May, and I dream of the many things I’ll find there. I wonder what God has in store for me. Hopefully, I’ll find my wife … hopefully, right?
While we wait for my big move I’m must be doing something right now, and I plan on trying to put more into the blog. I’m not sure how people felt about the short story I posted over the last month, (‘The Solitary Tree’). I hoped everyone enjoys it and I plan on writing more story like that one and posting them. In fact, I have a new one in works about a Dwarven private detective set in a cyberpunk world which will be coming out soon. I plan to post short stories and letters to my blog until the move.
I’m getting close to being done with school but school is adding a lot to my plate, and I’m trying not to stress out too much over it. Most days I’m working hard at school which can be a little lonely. I spend hours at school working only to come home to write for hours alone as well. It becomes trying, but it is a part of the job. I’m making myself take breaks and go outside to enjoy my friends or take my dogs to the park. For example, I went to the Renaissance Festival yesterday, and I had a blast. (Picture at the bottom of the blog.) Tomorrow I’m going to the park with the dogs and my mother before heading home to study until my eyes bled. I have a test Tuesday. (I’m ready to be done with school.)
I can’t help but dream of new things in Texas, a new life one might say, and I pray I’m not building up my hopes. I know, I have to make myself build the life I want, and I believe, it will work best being away from home. Here, in the place I grew up, I don’t have to forge a new life but somewhere different, new, what choice do I have? I can either be sad and lonely or get out there and change my life.
Anyways, my dear friend, these are the thoughts hanging around in my mind. They are the halls of my brain knocking on doors as the clock ticks away to something new. I don’t know if this new adventure will hold great treasures or trolls, but I do know I’m ready to see what happens.

With a Handshake, 

Chase

 Left to Right: Lucas, Allen, Me, Amber, and Jussara

 Amber and I

My dogs

P.S. Check out my friend's book.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/1545489831/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1506822172&sr=8-1&ke